Well not so much starting off today – I was lazy and stayed in bed until I heard my son messing around in the kitchen. But I did get everything done aside from getting out of bed bed by 4:45am.
I blew up at my parents last night, I realized today that it’s because I have a massive amount of repressed anger and resentment toward them. They weren’t bad parents, but through the mind of a two-year old I interpreted that I was being bad if I had needs and wants.
I’ve had some of this come up before, but a lot of it really came into focus this morning as I was going over what happened. I felt better about things, like weight has come off my shoulders that I didn’t know was there – a very similar experience to when I recognized my shadow for the first time.
But Bill isn’t shadow anymore – he’s me at two or three years old. Bill just wants to be loved and accepted needs and all.
This is a big deal for me, as my son is about that age and I realized I’ve been angry at him for having needs. But it’s so much better that I’ve recognized this in myself and now I can simply accept my son – needs and all.
Now I need to apologize to my parents for blowing up at them – they did the best they could and my siblings and I all turned out pretty good – so yeah they didn’t deserve what happened, but I needed to come to grips with it – unfortunately it took the form of a massive emotional outburst.